P.H.O.B.E.

They were in a struggle for the hearts and minds of the peasantry.  The hated opposition was gaining ground steadily.  Researchers were working feverishly round the clock on a new doomsday weapon to replace the aging and increasingly less effective R.A.C.I.S.T. bomb.  Then one night–yes it was a dark and stormy night–the leader of the research team opened the door to the lab, walked out and said, “We have it.”

Okay, maybe that’s not exactly how it happened.  But somebody came up with the idea of phobe, the handy little suffix you can stick on the end of a hot button term and throw it like a missile at an opponent.  You can do so many things with phobe:  you can use it to change the direction of a debate, especially if you’re losing; you can make your opponent stammer and get all defensive; heck, you can even make opponents so afraid to bring up a subject that you won’t even have to use phobe again.

That’s the power of phobe.

According to The American Heritage Medical Dictionary, phobe means:  “One that fears or is averse to a specified thing.”  An example is xenophobe which is a fear of xenos.

Here’s how it works.  Let’s say I didn’t particularly like the name Phoebe (pronounced feebee).  Mind you, I liked the actual people (mostly women) named Phoebe, I just didn’t care for the name.  And let’s say one of these people named Phoebe took offense at my not liking the name Phoebe.  Well then, this person (Who I personally find quite attractive and a lovely person) could accuse me of being a Phoebephobe in a fit of unreasonable and petty anger you stupid b–oh, sorry.

Let’s look at another example.  Say there’s someone who is a lying murdering bastard.  This person goes around being a bastard, lying and participating in the occasional murder.  Now you’re a pretty laid back individual and if this person wants to be a bastard, hey it’s a free country.  Lying, well, as long as it doesn’t involve something serious like your actual weight or how fast you were really going, no harm done.  But the murder part…

So one day you speak up and say, “Hey I don’t think you should murder,”  and then someone points at you and screams “Lyingmurderingbastardphobe!”  Well, now you’re in a pickle.  On the one hand you have a legitimate concern about murder, but you also don’t want to be known as a Lyingmurderingbastardphobe either.  Embarrassed and confused, you slink away like a whipped ferret.

Fear not my furry friend! I have the answer: Path.

Path means one affected by a specified kind of disorder.

Here’s what you do the next time someone throws a phobomissle at you.  Catch it.  Remove the phobe from whatever term it is connected to.  Attach the path to the end of the phobe.

You now have a phobopath.

Now take your phobopath and throw it at your tormentor.  You may even want to call out something like, “Hey, are you one of those phobopaths?”  Or, “Stop being so phobopathic!”  Make sure to sell it with lots of derision.  Now watch them run away sobbing.

Your welcome,

mk out

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s